My Dead Parents Are Back

So, in 2003, my Mom died. It was the saddest day of my life, and I was truly broken. She died in the hospital, and our plan was to have her cremated before beginning day 1 of her wake. I rode with her lifeless body in an ambulance from Makati Medical Center to a crematorium somewhere in Quezon City. The ride took over an hour and there was no joy for me, except that these would be my final moments with her physical body.

The cremation took maybe 2 hours. I walked around the tombstones and watched the sunset while waiting for her ashes to be put into the niche that we bought her. When it was done, a man there said that a titanium piece was found in the tray where her body lay. I recognized it as the mitral valve heart transplant she had had a few years before and kept it. I turned it into a pendant to be worn on a necklace and kept it very close and dear to me for years to come.

Then, I lost it. I tend to do that, lose things, no matter how dear they are to me. And i give myself a break every time i lose something and chuck it to the fact that they're all just things, material possessions. But I was really sad about it. A part of my Moms heart was hanging from my neck for a few years and it helped me feel really close to her, and now it was gone.

Fast forward to February 15, 2016, a Monday morning, as I was getting ready for work, I looked at our bookshelf and saw it. I couldn't believe it was it. I mean, this necklace had never even seen Rhea's house as far as i'm concerned. Or if it did, it was while we were dating and never since I had moved in. So how did it get there?

I don't think i'll ever have an answer that explains that, except for the fact that I believe that my Mom and Dad are visiting.

They've visited before. On my Dads last birthday, Rhea had said that Miq was making faces and talking to a corner in the room and when I joked that maybe that way my Dad, she suddenly seemed to agree that the suggestion may actually be accurate. There have also been other episodes when I felt their presence and didn't doubt that it was them. Sometimes just one of them, sometimes both.

But this time it's different. I believe that both Mom and Dad are here and are visiting. Not just coming for a quick hi hello and then be gone. No. This time, I think they might be hanging around until Moms death anniversary, which is March 5. Mom would have left us 13 years ago, and Dad 11. I like numbers and have always believed that the numbers 11 and 13 have powers. I wonder if they're somehow connected?

In any case, none of that matters. What does matter, is that I believe these to be true and I welcome their visit! More than anything, i'm so happy that they're here! I want to show them the kids, and Rhea, and to show them how much Sage has grown and into the kind of man he is!

And more than anything, I always tell people who have lost loved ones, that what makes it easier is to continue a relationship with them, even if they have passed. I did that for a long time, but feel as if i've forgotten how to continue doing that. Perhaps now is the perfect opportunity to find my way back into that relationship.

I love you Mom and Dad. Please stick around and enjoy your stay. I love you forever!

Do I Look Like Filipino Actor Michael De Mesa?

Michael De Mesa

Michael De Mesa is a film and television star who has been on the screens since 1992. You could say that he is quite famous and also comes from a family of known actors and actresses.

This morning, while driving through work and trying to cross the insane intersection of C5 Extension and the East Service Road, you know the one you take if you're exiting from Merville and trying to get to Sales Bridge, I saw a cop standing there and directing traffic. Because the situation in that intersection has been mad, I decided to roll down my window and thank the officer for his help.

He looked at me and thanked me for my comment then went on to call me Michael De Mesa! I looked at him and said that I wasn't Michael De Mesa and was a nearby resident. He apologized and that was that.

Funny thing is, i've heard this before.

Do I actually look like Michael De Mesa? I don't see it.

Me

Junkies Invade the Marina Bay Sands

From Niko's Camera

So check out from The Inn Crowd happened at 11am. We spent an hour in the lobby with around 20 other people, all of whom were locked on to their digital devices, leaving no room for conversation or friendship. I played guitar and created some noise hoping to see if anyone, anyone at all, would ask me to quiet down, to no avail.

When we got into the car we were told that some strings had been pulled and that we had been given guest access to the Marina Bay Sands Hotel. I thought this was pretty neat. I had been there once before, had to pay like SG$18 to view the rooftop, spent I don't remember how much for a hotdog and a coke, and in the end, wasn't that thrilled about it anyway.

Having guest key cards though, that made all the difference. The Junkies were here and about to make some noise.

We started by having a smoke out back, where most of the employees go for their cigarette breaks. Then we hit the elevator that took us straight up to the 57th floor. The first thing you have to do is swipe your hotel key card through a computer that opens the gate for your entrance. And then you see it, the incredible view and the infinity pool. 

We took a walk through the length of the pool, watched the pretty and sexy girls sunbathe, disrobe, swim, drink, take photos, and sleep, then had another smoke at the smoking section of the infinity pool area. We had a look at the bar and took a peek at the outdoor bar overlooking the pool. All in all, it was just alright. Nothing to really brag about, nor did anything absolutely special or incredible happen. It was just 6 guys taking a walk where they weren't supposed to be, enjoying a view not given to just anyone who happened to be in the area. 

Thanks for this Niks

 

A Walk Under The Skylight

Chinese Musicians

Under the Hotel

Outside the Marina Bay Sands

What I want to know is, is it really worth it to be billeted at the Marina Bay Sands? We know it's expensive, about SG$20 a beer, but is sleeping in one of their rooms all it's made out to be? Don't get me wrong, I love a good hotel, and I certainly would enjoy the hotel's amenities, I just wonder if Marina Bay Sands is everything they say it is? Which is what again?

I Met A Bitch...

So i'm still reading Steven Tyler's autobiography Does The Noise In My Head Bother You and he just told a story of how former Aerosmith manager Tom Collins had once gotten the whole band to go against him through lies that he told them.

The reason i'm sharing this, is because I knew a bitch once that did the same sort of thing to me. She had fucking written a report against me and gotten a whole bunch of my friends on her side before I was confronted and by the time they spoke to me, it was too late. They all fuckin' hated my guts and thought so lowly of me. 

Like Steven Tyler, I wondered, "What the fuck? Didn't any of them stop to consider that perhaps she was lying?" I suppose it's a more serious case with Steven Tyler because Tom Collins had told the band that Steven was still on drugs, when in fact, he was 9 years sober. He also called Steven's wife of 18 years, and told him that he had been cheating on her, he had been celibate for 11 months at the time. 

In the end, Tom Collins's goal was to get Steven to check in to a rehabilitation center, it didn't work. He told him to fuck off! With the bitch I speak of, I think her intention was to get rid of me, same thing, ain't gonna happen.

Anyway, what the fuck is up with some people? Scum of the universe I tell you. 

Song of the Day - Who Are You? by Tom Waits

I think i've been in love with the music of Tom Waits since I was a teenager. A friend of mine gave me the CD of Bone Machine when I was about 18 years old and I haven't stopped listening to the album since.

This morning, while driving to work, I decided to listen to it again. Dirt In The Ground played and I thought to make that my Song of the Day but when Who Are You? started playing, I was moved beyond what I had expected and listened intently and unlike the way I have before.

I'm currently reading Steven Tyler's Does The Noise In My Head Bother You and he writes about how each person should interpret music and songs their own way. So I won't discuss how I view the song or what it's about but allow me to point out some lyrics that I think are simply brilliantly written.

They're lining up
To mad dog your tilta whirl
3 shots for a dollar
Win a real live doll

What an intro!

Not many songs start with such strong lyrics but this surely is one of them! Another song that has got an incredible first line is Steely Dan's Midnight Cruiser that opens with:

Felonius my old friend
Step on in and let me shake your hand

I also love it when Who Are You? changes chords.

It's a very simple transition and probably one of the more common chord changes, but it fits the song so appropriately and the melody rises with the change intensifying the words, and the pain!

Tom Waits goes on to sing:

Do you cry. Do you pray
Do you wish them away
Do you still leave nothing
But bones in the way
Did you bury the carnival Lions and all
Excuse me while I sharpen my nails
And just who are you this time?

This is simply genius! The melody changes, the chords change, and the words hit you right in the fucking guts! And then, it all settles down, as if stating that it's all too late now and there's nothing you can do to better your situation.

Man, now that's a fucking song! It's hard enough to write a good song, but to write a painful song that other people feel, that's real talent!

Here's the lyrics in full:

"Who Are You?"

They're lining up
To mad dog your tilta whirl
3 shots for a dollar
Win a real live doll

All the lies that you tell
I believed them so well. Take them back
Take them back to your red house
For that fearful leap into the dark

I did my time
In the jail of your arms
Now Ophelia wants to know
Where she should turn

Tell me...what did you do
What did you do the last time?
Why don't you do that
Go on ahead and take this the wrong way
Time's not your friend

Do you cry. Do you pray
Do you wish them away
Do you still leave nothing
But bones in the way

Did you bury the carnival
Lions and all
Excuse me while I sharpen my nails
And just who are you this time?

You look rather tired
(Who drinks from your shoe)
Are you pretending to love
Well I hear that it pays well

How do your pistol and your Bible and your
Sleeping pills go?
Are you still jumping out of windows in expensive clothes?

Well I fell in love
With your sailor's mouth and your wounded eyes
You better get down on the floor
Don't you know this is war
Tell me who are you this time?
Tell me who are you this time?

If you click this link, you'll see that this wasn't my first Song of the Day from Bone Machine.

What are some sad songs that move you? I would love to listen and discover more music like this.

Dad's Car Brings Back Emotional Memories

Today, while driving to work, I spotted my dad's old car on the road. It brought me a few fond memories of times I had with him.

One of the first was when he had first bought the car. Shortly after he did, I suggested that he break it in and when he asked me what I suggested. I said "let's go gambling in Tagaytay!" It wasn't the biggest surprise but it was a surprise no less, he said "let's go!"

I can't remember if we went that same night or a few nights later, but we went. Had a great chat on our way there, spent P500 each and lost it almost immediately on slot machines. In the end, we weren't there for very long and got back into the car to head home. On our way, we decided to buy mom something from Whistle's Top and went to the Eastwood branch, you know the one that was outside on C5? It's no longer there.

Anyway, what I remember the most from that trip was that we had heart to heart conversations and were able to break down a few barriers in our relationship. I admitted things to him that I had previously denied, and he shared a bunch of things as well, including how he felt about mom being sick and how he wishes some things could have been otherwise.

I also remember bumping that car! That was a bad one and he got really mad at me. I don't even know why I took it. I had the Civic to use but for one reason or another, used that car instead and while fighting with Rhea on our way home from Capones, drunk, I ran a light and hit another car. I ended up driving the car home and the next day, when I woke up, he was so mad at me that he couldn't talk to me. I fixed all the work that needed to be done for the insurance but that didn't change how disappointed he was at me. And I certainly don't blame him.

After that, even when Monica had owned the car after dad died, I was upset with her for bumping it. I guess you could call it my protectiveness over the car. Then when she sold it for dirt cheap, again I was upset with her, but then again, it's not like she really could've gotten more for it.

I miss my dad. I think about him a lot and often wonder if he'd be proud of the man i've come to be. I think he'd be pleased with me in terms of my being a husband and father, but all in all, in general, I still wonder if i'd make him proud.

It's going to be his death anniversary in a just under 3 weeks. It's been 11 years and though i'll never completely get over it, i'm better able to deal with his physical absence.

I love you pops! I can think of no better father than you.

Do you have any stories you'd like to share about road trips with your dead parents?

The Madness That Ensued with the Blue Jean Junkies in Singapore 2016

So we went to Singapore for 2 shows. The first was a private event at the Hard Rock Cafe in Sentosa for a private partners event for Siemens, the 2nd, for a show everyone was invited to at the Blu Jaz Cafe on Bali Lane. I'd been to Blu Jaz twice before, both times I went to Singapore, and was thrilled to be playing at this bar that i'd fallen in love with since the first time I saw it.

We arrived shortly before 10am on Friday, the 29th, and after a quick round around Changi Airport for some photos and video promo material, we headed out to Sylog, a Filipino little restaurant at a food court for early lunch. None of us had slept much the night before so we were all really just hungry and in need of sleep. The food was not a problem as our bellies were quickly settled, and checking in to The Inn Crowd didn't take long either and before long we were all asleep.

Being next to 7/11 was useful

Sound check for Hard Rock was scheduled at 4:30pm and that became a rehearsal with a German man named Alex who jammed with us on a Jet song called "Are You Gonna Be My Girl." We hadn't learned the song so sound check was really practice.

After sound check we walked around Universal Studios in Sentosa and waited for dinner to be served. The smoking area there isn't really much of an area and it was raining a lot that day, making it impossible to have a full cigarette without getting drenched. Finally, after several attempts, Nuts and I were finally able to enjoy a cigarette in peace.

The show was alright, I was having problems with my bass all through the night and that was putting me in a bad mood. But we played our first set, started tanking beers before the 2nd set, and played that set too. It seemed like we were a bit of a success but later on learned that our audience made up of people who'd get bored with any song that lasted over 5 minutes long. And if you've even seen the Blue Jean Junkies, you know that we can play the fuck out of a song and make it last forever.

When the gig was over, I was frustrated over my guitar and amp so I ordered 10 beers, none of which I had to pay for, all of which were drunk between the band, Monx and Deo, Michelle, and Eric who showed up later on with Lisa.

When the night was done and the beer all gone, we headed home and I passed out before the lights were even out! Talk about a bad combination of a sleepless night, a long ass day, two sets on stage, a lot of beer, and a late night! It was all good fun and we were lucky and thankful to be there and to have the opportunity to play for Siemens on Sentosa's Hard Rock stage no less!

This photo proves that we ate before going home, I don't remember any of it.

Day 2 rolled around and we couldn't exactly get out of bed. I think Niko was able to get up and take a walk, Nuts hung out downstairs at the lobby, while Nino and I stayed in bed til 2pm. It was only then that we got up to get a bite to eat. After 10-20 minutes of walking, we settled into an Indian Restaurant that served the spiciest fucking food, and we didn't even specify for it to be spicy!

You can't see it, but our scalps were sweating.

We headed back to the hotel after that to chill before sound check, also scheduled at 4 or 430pm. Sound check was great and unlike any sound check we've had in Manila. We were literally being guided what to do, what not to do, and when to do it. We loved it and in turn, it made for our stage time great as everything was balanced the way we wanted it to be. Except that it was also here that I discovered that the battery in my bass was fucked, and therefore, could have been the reason for my poor sound at Hard Rock. I owe Hard Rock an apology, I blamed their amp for being fucked when in the end, it could have been my bass.

After sound check, my good friend Ilangoh came to hang out and we had 2 pints of Hieneken with Niko and Nuts. A lot of good and fun as well as informational stuff was talked about and Ilangoh gave us a sneak peek into the life and work of a working local professional in Singapore.

By 730pm, we jumped at the time since it was still bright out and had to bid farewell to Ilangoh in order to get back to the hostel, eat, sleep, shower and change, and make it back by 10pm for our set. We did all that and left the hostel at 10:20pm, late for our own international show. But once we got back to Blu Jaz, we pretty much went straight to the stage and played for at least 2 hours without rest.

The crowd was great an very receptive to our songs. They cheered to our originals, enjoyed our little David Bowie tribute, and seemed happy enough when we'd jam out some of the other songs we played. In the end, Niko did a spectacular drum solo at the end of Freeway Man and when the song ended, we had everyone come up to the stage to join us for a photo!

It was after the set that I also had loads of fun! I met a lot of Filipinos living in Singapore, signed a bunch of CD's they had bought, and joined for many photos by many of them! This is really the stuff that moves me, that and hearing cheering and shouting from the stage, of course! I'd even met Inch Chua, a famous pop singer and we exchanged contact information and I gave her a copy of our album, no charge.

Casas showed up too and so with Eric, Lisa, Justin, Niko and a few others, we decided that eating was not the thing to do but that beers were what was needed, so we went to a girly bar, because that was the only bar still serving booze. The girly bar we went to was kinda seedy. It was dark and loud with a super sonic sound system and girls on stage singing and dancing Chinese songs. It wasn't sexy and they weren't trying to be sexy. On the main floor, a couple of girls roamed around striking conversations with us but we told them to carry on to someone else. After finishing a tower of beer, 70+ SG Dollars, we slowly made our way back home. Oh, I pissed on the street before getting in to the car.

When we got back to The Inn Crowd, Nino was downstairs and we got a bite to eat before heading to the room to pass out. I was pretty drunk, and tired, and when we had to check out at 11am the following day, I had a pretty hard time doing so. But I made it, didn't have to pay extra, and even got to play guitar for about an hour while waiting for Monx to come and pick us up.

What do you think we should've done in Singapore while we were there being the people that we are?